5 Signs That You Are Dealing with Self Sabotage (and How to Stop)
We all say we want growth—but when it shows up, it’s not always easy to receive it.
Sometimes it looks like missing deadlines for something you actually care about. Or missing a workout even though you know it improves your mood. Or playing small when deep down, you know you’re capable of so much more.
If you’ve been in this cycle, you’re not alone. Self sabotaging behavior is often a survival response—something we learned to do to stay safe, not a character flaw. But when it starts blocking your blessings, it’s time to get curious and take your power back.
What Is Self Sabotage (Really)?
Self sabotage is when your actions (or lack of action) directly conflict with your values or goals. It’s that moment when you procrastinate, avoid, or shrink—even though you deeply want something more.
You might be:
- Putting off your passion projects
- Saying yes when your body is saying no
- Downplaying your wins
- Overthinking yourself into inaction
- Doubting yourself
At its core, sabotaging yourself is a form of emotional self-protection. You’re avoiding discomfort—whether that’s fear of failure, success, judgment, or change. Even when the dream is beautiful, the process can feel scary.
Why We Keep Self Sabotaging Our Own Growth
Here are some of the most common reasons why self sabotaging behavior shows up when you least expect it:
Fear of Change
Even if you’re unhappy with where you are, change can feel threatening. Familiar discomfort can feel safer than unfamiliar success.
Imposter Syndrome
If you don’t feel like you’re ready or worthy, you’ll unconsciously prove that story true by sabotaging yourself.
Old Wounds, Unhealed
Past rejection, failure, or abandonment can linger and influence how safe it feels to shine or take up space.
Perfectionism
You’d rather do nothing than do something imperfect, which keeps you stuck and spinning.
Comfort in Struggle
If you’ve always struggled, success can feel foreign. Peace might even feel boring if chaos has been your normal.
How to Stop Sabotaging Yourself
The key to healing self sabotaging behavior isn’t more pressure—it’s more presence. Growth starts when you notice your patterns and choose differently with compassion.
Here’s how to begin:
- Observe without judgment. Awareness is step one.
- Create emotional safety. Let your inner child know you’re in charge now.
- Build your discomfort muscle. It’s okay to be uncomfortable—it often means you’re expanding.
- Name and rewrite the story. Who told you you weren’t ready? Were they even right?
- Journal it out. Writing is how you untangle the mental chaos and connect with clarity.
9 Journal Prompts to Break Free from Self Sabotaging Patterns
These prompts will help you slow down the spiral, unpack your fears, and get out of your head—without judgment.
- What part of me is afraid to grow—and what does it need to feel safe?
There’s usually a tender voice underneath the fear. Listen gently. - What am I avoiding by staying stuck?
Sometimes we’re not avoiding failure—we’re avoiding visibility, accountability, or even joy. - When was the last time I showed up fully for myself—and how did that feel?
Let that memory remind you of your strength and your truth. - What self sabotaging behaviors do I notice most often?
Get specific. Do you procrastinate, overthink, cancel on yourself, numb out? - What do I believe about myself when I’m not “doing enough”?
Pay attention to those beliefs. Are they rooted in love—or fear? - What does success actually look and feel like for me (not what I’ve been told)?
Define it on your own terms. That’s how you break free from other people’s expectations. - What would it look like to be radically kind to myself this week?
Kindness is not a reward for progress—it’s a foundation for it. - What small action can I take today that aligns with the version of me I want to become?
Start small. Start soft. Start anyway. - If I believed I was worthy and capable, what would I do differently this month?
Let your highest self speak. Then move like her.
Final Thoughts
Self sabotaging doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’re protecting yourself in the only way you’ve known. But now you’re allowed to choose differently. You’re allowed to stop sabotaging yourself and start believing you’re worthy of more—of ease, growth, joy, and peace.
You’re not behind. You’re not lazy. You’re learning and growing. Give yourself grace in this process of unfolding.
